Ed Hochuli – The Facts December 25, 2005
Posted by TimTheFoolMan in Football.trackback
Having given my oldest son a “What Would Ed Hochuli Do?” t-shirt for Christmas, it seems that the season is right for commemorating all of the great deads of the man. In his day job, Mr. Hochuli is a lawyer with the law firm of Jones, Skelton and Hochuli. However, on weekends and Monday nights, Ed Hochuli is the NFL’s most muscular referee. Here are a few “fun facts” about Mr. Hochuli:
- Ed Hochuli’s biceps require a concealed carry permit
- In the courtroom, Ed Hochuli has occasionally slipped up and said, “May I approach the bench press?”
- Linemen wear eyeguards, not to guard against other players poking them in the eye, but to protect against Ed Hochuli’s infamous (and dangerous) “first down finger.”
- Ed Hochuli never surrenders
- Ed Hochuli taught John Travolta how to dance (and point)
- Ed Hochuli regularly attends peep shows (commonly referred to as “reviewing the play”), in front of thousands of witnesses
- Ed Hochuli’s number (85) is based on the number of players he has personally killed while demonstrating his own version of “unnecessary roughness”
- The possessive form of “Hochuli” is correctly pronounced like “Hercules.” This is not a coincidence.
- NFL players considering Ed Hochuli for legal representation do not qualify for “attorney-client privilege” within the boundaries of the field.
- Ed Hochuli is God’s Christmas present to all football fans (see the P.S.)
- Under close supervision of uniformed officers, Ed Hochuli can make change by squeezing his buns together and making grunting noises.
- Only Ed Hochuli and Hulk Hogan can look “buff” wearing a suit.
- Vinnie Testaverde’s life was saved by an Oakland Raider who stepped in between Vinnie and “the guns.”
- Ed Hochuli vs a lineman and a linebacker is not a fair fight. A fair fight would require more players.
- Ed Hochuli is an accomplished musician, who directs the marching band during halftime presentations.
- Ed Hochuli is not afraid to demonstrate his love for Texas by giving the “hook ’em horns” sign in your face.
- Ed Hochuli passes along personal messages to players from their parents during games.
- Ed Hochuli supports black power, specifically on fourth down.
P.S. The initial posting date of this entry was Mr. Hochuli’s 55th birthday.
P.P.S. Welcome to those of you searching for information surrounding the controversial call late in the 9/14/08 game between the San Diego Chargers and the Denver Brocos. While virtually everyone agrees that Mr. Hochuli blew the call, the current rules of the NFL allowed the replay to alter the spot of the ball (ruling the play a “Fumble” and overturning the on-field call of “Incomplete Pass”), but do not allow for a change of possession, since the inadvertent whistle stopped the play immediately. Because of the sequence of events revealed by reviewing the tape (Denver’s fumble, Hochuli’s whistle, and then San Diego’s recovery), to have awarded the ball to San Diego would have required a rule change, and not just a reinterpretation of existing rules.
A Fool and his Words are Soon Parted 
Chuck Norris could not fight Ed Hochuli. It would be unfair.
For Chuck Norris.
[…] Tonight, I pulled out the phrases that hae been used for the past week or two, and noticed some interesting patterns, and some very interesting oddballs. Ed Hochuli is King, but My Mother-in-Law is Queen If there is one blog entry that stands head, shoulders, and biceps above any other, it’s “Ed Hochuli – The Facts,” which was a spoof of a similar page about Chuck Norris. There are all sorts of phrases that people have used to hit that page, ranging from references to Mr. Hochuli’s biceps, his job as an attorney, or the t-shirt that I bought my son. […]
Ed Hochuli is the gayest ref ever. His preformance was terrible in the Buf. VS. SDG game. because of him the bills lost
David, I’m not sure that I ever articulated his sexual preferences. I didn’t catch his performance in that game, but based on what I’ve seen from the Bills this season, they need to look at someone other than Hochuli to blame for their performance. – Tim
Simply the BEST REF in the NFL! Where was he during the PATRIOTS / COLTS AFC Championship (21 Jan. 2007) where there were (4) VERY (VERY) BAD (HORRIFIC) calls against the PATRIOTS for MINOR / TICKY, TACKY calls and (2) FLAGRANT personal fouls (Ruffing the Passer (not!), and Pass Interference on HOBBS against Marvin Harrison in the End Zone when Harrison wasn’t even TOUCHED!
I’ve never seen a game SO BAD of officiating it made me want to VOMIT!
David I dare you to go up to him and call him the “gayest ref ever.”
Ed Hochuli Will eat your face if you ever dare to show it again David… I suggest you go into permanent hiding.
Yeah i actually know Ed Hochuli in person believe or not through Ref. Mike Carey who is my uncle which is awesome but anyways ed would kill you lol
Ed Hochuli walks on water – because if the water doesn’t cooperate he;ll penalize it for pass interference.
One question Bill. Did someone bet every patriot fan that they couldn’t drop the patriots into every conversation?
You have to add Jack Bauer to the mix. Chuck Norris, Ed Hochuli, Jack Bauer in a cage match. Anyways all i know is that the Broncos covered because of Ed Hochuli. thank you
ED IS THE MAN! Here is an article that wants him to run for president!
http://www.lacrosseallstars.com/post/50743878/ed-hochuli-for-president-in-2008
Man…he screwed SD.
[…] It all starts with muscle. Size and strength. Natural resources our non-soccer athletes have in abundance. From Adrian Peterson’s piston legs to Dwight Howard’s sculpted chest, we are ripped without peer and getting buffer all the time. Even some of our referees are jacked (I’m looking at you, Ed Hochuli). […]