A Fool and his Words are Soon Parted

A Solution to Baseball’s Falling Stocks and Bonds March 18, 2006

Last week’s Sports Illustrated contains excerpts from a new book called “Game of Shadows,” due to be released on March 27th. The excerpts are titled “The Truth About Barry Bonds and Steroids.”

Rumors and inuendo surrounding baseball and steroid use have circulated for years, and by now, probably the only people who don’t publicly discuss steroid use as “widespread” and “obvious” are Bud Selig and the current management and staff of most major league baseball teams. The book (and excerpted article) should be the nails in the coffin, and finally put the questions to rest. The evidence is detailed and comprehensive.

What Would Rafiki Say?
But the question remains, what about the records that Bonds hasn’t (yet) broken? What about Hank Aaron’s home run record of 755? At the start of the 2006 season, Bonds stands at 708 HRs (who knows how many of those were “steroid induced”), and would appear to need one great or two more “average” seasons to equal or better Aaron’s mark. What should baseball do?

At present, it appears that Bud Selig is prepared to do absolutely nothing about Barry Bonds use of steroids, or that of any other MLB player. In the words of Rafiki from “The Lion King,” “it does not matter… it’s in the past.”

I propose the following solution: If you manage a team that will play against the San Francisco Giants this year, pitch around him.

The Pitch
That’s right. I propose that Barry Bonds have no hits (and therefore no home runs) this year. Zero. If it’s the bottom of the 9th, bases loaded, and Barry Bonds is at the plate… walk him. If it costs your team the game, what’s worse? Losing a game, or the entire game of baseball losing respect for itself, and losing the respect of history?

Walk him. Zero hits. None. If Barry wants to get into the record books, let it be for the most walks in a single season, with an asterisk next to his name:

* All walks were intentional, as a sign of league-wide disgust for Bonds, and others like him, destroying the integrity of the game, and for the league’s commissioner lacking the testosterone to take any action.

If the commissioner wants to increase his testosterone, I’m sure that Barry Bonds (or any number of other major leaguers) can recommend a good trainer.