A Fool and his Words are Soon Parted

More Stealth from Iran April 5, 2006

Following the announcements of the stealth missle, the stealth torpedo, and the stealth flying boat, Iranian officials today announced more “stealth developments.”

By far, the most amazing was the development of a talking, autonomous, interactive automobile Fashioned out of a rusted-out 1982 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am, the Kevorkian-Iranian Tehran Terror (K.I.T.T.) vehicle is a tour-de-force of the latest technology.

A less viable announcement was the new Stealth Undercover Cloak of Knowledge (S.U.C.K). When worn by your everyday, average terrorist, the cloak (which resembles a 1970’s leisure suit) embarrasses the wearer to the point of wanting to be invisible. With proper training, the wearer is able to impose his (not her) will upon the surrounding matter such that he does, in fact, become invisible. When asked about this development, Vice-President Dick Cheney said “I didn’t see this one coming.” Former Vice-President Al Gore appears to have been involved in beta testing of the cloak, having made so many public gaffes that he, in fact, became invisible during the last months of running for President.

Iranian officials are promising many more devices such as these, including: the highly classified VTS (Victoria’s Top Secrets) undergarments, worn to protect the common man from dangerous (and unexpected) viewing of the common woman’s most private areas; the Stealth Beanie ™, which disrupts RADAR with a cranially mounted propeller as the wearer plunges toward a target from unimaginable altitudes (goodbye suicide bombers – hello suicide bombs!); and finally, Stealth Wealth. The last item is said to already be coursing through the Iranian economy, completely unnoticed by the general population. Unlike normal currency, it provides the possessor with no tangible benefits, and has no detectable value. However, it appears to be the only significant by-product of the Iranian economy aside from crude-oil revenue.