My Day April 1, 2007
Posted by TimTheFoolMan in April Fool's Day, Flatulence, Fun, Humor, Laughter, Learning, Rosie O'Donnell, Self-Worth, Stupidity.trackback
Today is officially my day. That’s right… April Fool’s Day, I hereby declare, is my own personal holiday. Traditionally, it’s been a day to play pranks on one another. No longer. I am turning into a celebration of all the foolish things I have done (an interesting list, but listing them ALL would exceed the capacity of WordPress’ generous servers), in my entire life.
Yes, this includes the time that I chickened out of the lead role Christmas play, where I had only two lines, and forced an African-American buddy to stand-in for me at the last minute. Much to my sister’s dismay, she had bragged to all of her friends that her brother had the lead role. Needless to say, they were very surprised to see “her brother” on stage.
Yes, this includes the time that my best friend and I went camping at a site 3 miles down a trail in the Smoky Mountains, lugging an 8-man canvas tent, full-sized sleeping bags, a 60 quart Coleman cooler (with chips, dip, and 2-liters inside), along with a small propane grill that could have cooked up the Donner Party. We ditched the tent after about a mile, but had no choice but to lug the remaining gear the rest of the way, much to the amusement of the properly-equipped hikers who went zipping past us on the trail.
Yes, this includes the time (in the late 70’s) that I dressed up for a Steve Martin look-alike contest at the local mall, went to said mall dressed up in a ridiculous costume, walked around for 20 minutes, and then found out I was at the wrong mall! For some reason, people stare at you when you have an arrow through your head.
Yes, this includes the time that several buddies and I decided to go see “Revenge of the Nerds” at the local theater, in full nerd costume. Did you know that people throw stuff at nerds in public?
Yes, this includes the time that I was providing entertainment for a Deacons & Wives Banquet at a nearby Baptist church, and opened with a lip sync of Ray Stevens’ “Guitarzan,” only to finish the song to no applause of any kind… just blank stares. (I quickly discarded the 20 minutes of lip sync that I had prepared to do, and instead told 15 minutes of church jokes. I didn’t know that many church jokes, so I started converting every other joke I’d ever heard into a church joke. “A man walks into a church with a duck on his head…”)
Yes, this includes that time that my best friend and I were dissecting white rats in HS Biology, decapitated one of the dissection subjects, and positioned the head in my coat pocket, such that it appeared to be peeking out. You have never heard screaming like that of Romelle (one of my female buddies in English class) when she spotted the whiskers from across the room.
So today, on April 1st, relax in the knowledge that no matter how foolish you might feel at various times, there is always someone more foolish, more silly, and more goofy than you. That someone is me.
P.S. If you got here by following the “Rosie O’Donnell” tag, and are disappointed that I haven’t mentioned her, it’s because mentioning Rosie on April Fool’s Day seems redundant. There. I did it anyway.
A Fool and his Words are Soon Parted 
>>positioned the head in my coat pocket, such that it appeared to be peeking out >>
😀 Oh, that is just too funny. However, the realist in me wants to know how you managed to carry a recently severed rat head in your pocket without it leaking all sorts of really gross fluids onto you…
Remember those nasty brown paper towels? Three or four of those, wrapped around the back end of said noggin, made sure it wasn’t too bad. It did, however, smell badly of formaldehyde. 😀
I can just hear your mom, when it was time to do the laundry: “Tim, what have you been doing?”
😀
On yet another occasion, we took some old coveralls to make a “body” as part of our Halloween decorations around the house. We basically stuffed a shirt and the coveralls with newspaper, tight enough that it had some “bulk” to it. Afterward, we drove around with this… thing propped up in the seat next to us, but that got boring, so we tossed it out the window while going down a busy expressway.
It’s a wonder we didn’t get pulled into a CSI-style investigation.
Good Monday afternoon Tim !
Ha-ha on the rat thing ! Those weren’t TOO bad ! Very funny about Rosie, too !
The foolish things I’ve done have all ended up in heartbreak, not personal amusement, unfortunately…
Except for the time in college that my best friend and I sprayed a sorority out on their front lawn for a group picture with a fire extinguisher and got them all soaking wet !
See, had I gone to school with you, I would have said, ‘Is that a mouse in your pocket or are ya’ just glad to see me?’
But I’m giddy that way.
Annie,
😀 It sounds like fun to me!
Dame,
I guess I should have pointed out that I put the mouse in my shirt pocket. 😉
Your SHIRT pocket? Ewww! No wonder the smell of formaldehyde was so strong.
My daughter will be doing dissection in her high school biology class next year, and I’m sure she’ll enjoy hearing about your twist on your lab work. 🙂
I still would have said it.
Tiffany,
My youngest informed me tonight that they are doing fetal pig dissection tomorrow. I think I’ll wait until afterward to tell him about the barbecue place you found on the way back from Sanibel Island.
Apparently my daughter’s class will be dissecting CATS next year. I.am.apPALLED at the very thought. Where do the kitties come from? Why in heavens name have kids dissect household pets? I mean, I know some people have pot-bellied pigs running around the house, and I had a white rat for a pet when I was at Purdue, but a cat is not in the same category. I think I’ll have to call the school and ask around…
I want to hear the one about you farting in public. You mentioned flatulence, after all. Let’s hear it.
Laura, it’s the source of that ancient Baptist proverb:
He who farts in church, sits in his own pew.