A Fool and his Words are Soon Parted

Happy Mother’s Day! May 16, 2007

I apologize for posting this a bit late, but it’s a story that needs to be told. On a holiday like Mother’s Day, some women get cards or flowers. Others get beautiful gifts.

At my house? At my house, you get the gift that keeps on giving: embarrassment.

The Sunday Afternoon (not Saturday Night) Special
On Sunday, as is our family custom, we went to a local Mexican restaurant for lunch. It’s a casual place, with good food at very reasonable prices.

Just outside of the restaurant is the parking area in front, adjacent to some outdoor seating under a canopy. We considered dining outside, but when we walked in, there was nobody there, so we assumed it might be closed.

After dinner, I was paying the check and talking to my youngest son. My wife and oldest son went out to the van. As I was signing the credit card slip, my youngest son went out to join them, and a moment later, I was on my way out.

Mother’s Day was a Gas
When I got to the sidewalk, I noticed that all three of them were hiding behind the van. They weren’t hiding well enough for me to not see them, but were just crouched down on the far side, away from the outdoor seating area. As I puzzled over this, I noticed that there were now several tables full of people sitting outside.

I reach the van, unlock the doors, and the three of them rush into their seats. “What’s going on? Why were you hiding?”

My oldest replied, “Well, as Mom and I were walking out, I didn’t realize that there were people at these tables, and way too loudly said ‘I know when I get to work today, I’m going to have to poop. It happens every day.’ And no, I didn’t notice all those people sitting there, so Mom ran around to hide behind the van, and I came over here with her.”

I looked at my youngest to see what his story was.

“Well,” he began, “when I came out, they were already hiding, but I didn’t know why. So I snuck around to get the story. When they told me, I started laughing so hard I farted, and I think the people at the tables heard that too.”

We all laughed, and then got quiet as I pulled out of the parking lot. I finally broke the silence.

“Happy Mother’s Day.”