A Fool and his Words are Soon Parted

Not-So-Great Moments in Spa… Direct Email Marketing August 18, 2008

The other day, I received the following spam unwanted email in my Yahoo account (I knew it was spam unwanted email, but I couldn’t resist previewing it using Yahoo’s image/virus-blocking preview):

AWARD DEPARTMENT.
P O Box 1010,L70 1NL Liverpool,
UNITED KINGDOM(Customer Services)
Ref: FER/4690/6103/24Batch:245-379-482
Winning No:701/RMD123

NOTIFICATION  Attn:WINNER

We happily announce to you the draw of the Bono Lottery International Program held on the 17th of August 2008. Your name “email address” was attached to ticket number; 12324277 serial number 6663817262 This batch draws the lucky numbers as follows 2-9-22-23-24-30 bonus number5,

which

Note: I didn’t chop off the end of the message. I also didn’t eliminate my email address from the section that reads ‘Your name “email address”.’

I used to think that no matter how pitiful my life had become, I could at least find solace in the fact that my life had more meaning than the poor souls who find themselves in the live audience of “American Gladiator.” (That’s probably less true now that Hulk Hogan is hosting the show, because there’s something charming about a man that powerful hiding his male pattern baldness and skullet hair with a bandana.)

Now, I find solace in knowing that no matter how poorly I perform at work, I’m performing better than the people who can’t figure out how to compose a coherent spam message. My God have mercy on their slimy souls, but not much, as I’d be perfectly happy if I discovered that God changed the rules to deny grace to them all.