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Commitment, Breakups, and Occupational Infidelity October 1, 2011

Posted by TimTheFoolMan in Commitment, Friends, Love, Relationships, Self-Worth, Work.
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Recently, I experienced a breakup. Even when we started the relationship, we knew that it would end, and we knew that the end of the relationship would bring pain, regardless of which one of us initiated it. Although she knew, without question, that my heart was divided, and not exclusively hers, we entered into the relationship with eyes wide open and plunged forward. There was no formal commitment (though a relationship as deep and strong as this one would typically be the foundation of a serious commitment), but there was definitely the implication of one.

Having had a variety of relationships, both great and horrible, this breakup might not seem like the kind of thing that would impact me deeply. Hadn’t I, going from one relationship to another, and sometimes being in more than one at a time, become a “player”? Such types don’t get deeply or emotionally involved, but instead use their partners for selfish and self-serving motives, and tend to move on to greener pastures with little thought to those they leave in their dust.

Why then, has this been such an emotional thing for me? Why did I delay the last moments in this relationship, dragging them on for as long as possible? Why was I feeling so… defeated by this? (more…)

Parable: The Holes are Still There September 28, 2011

Posted by TimTheFoolMan in Family, Forgiveness, Friends, Relationships, Self-Worth.
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This story is not, to the best of my knowledge, rooted in an actual event. I’ve heard several variations, and have quoted one of the shorter versions on this very blog. However, there is a longer version that I heard recently, and it bears repeating here, though this is most definitely my paraphrase and interpretation. The lesson, unfortunately, is one that I’m still learning.

Years ago, a farmer and his wife were sitting down to dinner with their teenage son. The son (behaving as teenagers have a tendency to do), was upset with his parents over what he perceived to be unfair rules, which they had put in place for his protection.

Unable to see their rules as a sign of love and caring, the son lashed out lashed out and said, “You are the worst parents in the world. I can’t believe the way you treat me. I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!!!”

The farmer, boiling with anger, said nothing. Instead he stood up, pointed to the son’s room, and waited until his son received the all-too-clear message. Being stubborn, but not stupid, the son quietly got up from the table, walked quietly to his room, and shut the door. For the rest of the evening, not a word was spoken by anyone in the house. (more…)

Tour Guides and the Heart December 31, 2007

Posted by TimTheFoolMan in Relationships.
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Last year, my family went on a vacation to Maui, Hawaii. For our family, it was a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and we splurged, largely because as my oldest son progresses in college, the opportunities for us to all vacation together will be less and less frequent now.

If you’ve watched the video podcasts that I’ve posted here, you may recall me talking about the vacation to Maui, and how valuable the book “Maui Revealed” was while we were there. One of the striking this about this book is that helped us find things that we would have certainly missed if we’d not had the insights of an insider.

Maui Revealed

Going to Maui with this book made me feel as if the author would have been personally insulted if we had just done the “touristy things.” Have you ever had a good friend who was that way with friendship? Have you ever been friends with someone who wouldn’t allow you to be superficial… who wouldn’t allow you to “be a tourist” with friendship? (more…)