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#10: How to Not Treat a Cell Phone

When I walk for exercise, I generally carry 5 or 10 lb dumbbells in each hand to make it more of a workout. This has proven to be a sound method for doing so.

Unfortunately, the weights tend to brush against my pockets as my arms swing, which means that anything in my pockets gets continuously smacked by a very hard, high-mass object, moving at a decent velocity. You don’t have to be Isaac Newton to realize that this will result in some things breaking, and possibly serious injury to my legs, depending on the shape of the object in my pocket.

Pocket Fool
As a result, I tend to put my cell phone my back pocket, as this will keep it out of harm’s way. That is, if the pants I’m wearing have a back pocket. If the pants are not so-equipped, a belt clip will do the trick. Much to my annoyance, the gym shorts I wore last night eliminated both of those options.

Now, the cell phone in question is a Sanyo 8200, which is what most people call a “clamshell” design (in reference to the hinged, folding action of opening and closing the phone). Some time ago, I figured out that you can “self clip” such a phone on the waistband of gym shorts, and have it stay put even when you jog.

For my situation, I had to clip it in such a manner that it was out of the way of my pendulous arm/dumbbell combination. The solution: clip the phone to the back of the waistband, out of arms way, and not jabbing me in the midsection (which hangs over the waistband more than I would prefer).

You might ask, “Why not leave your cell phone at home when you go for a walk?” There are several reasons that I might say out loud, but the practical reality is that it represents something akin to a security blanket for me. On the few occasions that I have left my phone at home before leaving for work, I have been in a state of near panic, feeling virtually naked. Keep this in mind as you read on.

Relief and Horror
Like many people, after a brisk walk, I need to stop in the men’s room. Not surprisingly, I sometimes wish to sit in this locale. So Into the bathroom I went, and shucked down the gym shorts in anticipation of the blessed relief of both legs and bladder.

As I began to sit, I heard a strange clunking sound. The sound of something hitting the toilet. It was followed by a small (and clearly premature, for the situation) splash.

My PHONE!!!!

Yes, slipping down into the (fortunately) clean water was my beloved cell phone. My hand dashed into the water without thought, and a stream of mumbled expletives escaped my lips before I regained coherence.

Emergency Response
My reaction is proof that, when necessary, even a middle-aged man can move quickly. My hands moved as if I were performing CPR on a dying loved one. Fortunately, my mind tends to focus well in crisis situations, and this was most definitely a crisis.

I grabbed a towel and quickly dried off the phone.

I saw the display flash, and the phone quickly cycled through the power up sequence… by itself! That was not a good sign. That was the cell phone equivalent of a heart stopping and restarting.

Thinking quickly, I popped the battery out, and started all manner of emergency procedures to “save the phone.” I used acceleration (smacking the phone against my palm to shake the water loose), heat and air (there was a hair dryer nearby), and finally, natural evaporation.

Like an anxious family member waiting outside the door of the emergency room, I found my pulse racing as I tried to decide if I should attempt another power-up. I gave in to curiosity, slipped the battery back in place and gave it a shot.

No sparks. That’s a good sign.

Pressing the power key, I saw the red LED on the front glow. That’s another good sign. The LED is staying on, and the display is staying dark. That is not a good sign. Fearing that this process could further damage the circuitry, I quickly popped the battery out, and opted for more patience.

I needed a constant stream of warm air, so I could place the phone in the airstream, and allow nature to take its course. (At that moment, I had continued to ignore the call from my bladder for nature to take its other course.) I found my phone’s sanctuary at the outlet of my laptop’s processor fan, where I placed it for the night.

Happy Ending
This morning, I hopped out of bed, grabbed the phone, and reinstalled the battery. SUCCESS!!! The phone powered up normally, and even the earpiece played my voicemail without distortion.

Finally, I can relax. Finally, my pulse will return to normal. Finally, I can go to the bathroom.

Excuse me.

Comments»

1. jdomp - August 21, 2013

😀 Epic


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