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#2: Why I’m not a waiter

Several years ago, I saw a friend of mine from church at a W.W. Cousins’, a popular family restaurant. Both of us had just come from church, and were wearing our “Sunday best.”

Being in a goofy mood, I decided to have a bit of fun with Ralph. I got one of the round trays that the servers use, and put my iced tea on the tray and walked over. I held it flat next to my shoulder, in the formal style of a server in an elegant restaurant.

As I leaned over to greet Ralph, I spoke in a thick (faked) French accent, “Monsieur, may I interest you in a beverage?”

For some reason (unknown to me), the expression on Ralph’s face was not one of amusement or pleasant surprise, it was one of instant horror. A moment later, I understood why.

As I leaned over, I tipped the tray, ever so slightly. Unknown to me, the iced tea was slowly sliding down the tray, enroute to falling off the tray.

Just then, I felt the shifting weight of the drink, and looked up. Unfortunately, my glance was too late. I looked up in time to see the tea hitting the edge of the tray, and falling right into Ralph’s lap, soaking his light-gray suit.

Over the course of my life, there have been many moments that I have wanted to simply disappear into thin air. It’s not a matter of wanting to crawl into a hole. It’s wanting to instantly vanish, leaving no trace of my existence.

That was one of those times.


1. Terry Kelley - October 2, 2011

ROFLMBO X1000000000000!!!!!

2. Ralph - October 2, 2011

I have not thought of this in years. Thank you for having me recall that experience. Many of us that have a jovial spirit have found ourselves in a similar circumstance. Here’s another one.

I was on a Fall golf trip with several friends. The routine for a few days was, get to the golf course very early and play 36 holes of golf a day, eat dinner, sleep and do it again tomorrow.

On one of those cool mornings as we stood around waiting to tee off, I approached one of my friends from behind, reached around him and gave him a monstrous bear hug. Seemed harmless. Except for the fact that I had also given his large cup of hot coffee a bear hug. Coffee went everywhere, including all over his bright yellow sweater. I too looked for that hole to crawl into.

Tim, I value our friendship. A little iced tea cannot separate us.

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