A Fool and his Words are Soon Parted

Commitment, Breakups, and Occupational Infidelity October 1, 2011

Recently, I experienced a breakup. Even when we started the relationship, we knew that it would end, and we knew that the end of the relationship would bring pain, regardless of which one of us initiated it. Although she knew, without question, that my heart was divided, and not exclusively hers, we entered into the relationship with eyes wide open and plunged forward. There was no formal commitment (though a relationship as deep and strong as this one would typically be the foundation of a serious commitment), but there was definitely the implication of one.

Having had a variety of relationships, both great and horrible, this breakup might not seem like the kind of thing that would impact me deeply. Hadn’t I, going from one relationship to another, and sometimes being in more than one at a time, become a “player”? Such types don’t get deeply or emotionally involved, but instead use their partners for selfish and self-serving motives, and tend to move on to greener pastures with little thought to those they leave in their dust.

Why then, has this been such an emotional thing for me? Why did I delay the last moments in this relationship, dragging them on for as long as possible? Why was I feeling so… defeated by this? (more…)